A Masonic Perspective on Toxic Masculinity     

What are the attributes of a good man? What are things you need to do to become one, and where do you find good examples? I was lucky enough to have some examples of good men in my life growing up, and I have done my best to live up to their examples. But not all of us have role models to look up to – or perhaps we have ones that we shouldn’t look up to.

Historically, cultural and religious traditions have provided rites of passage – ceremonies that marked our transition from childhood to adulthood. For many boys and young men, it was these rites of passage that taught them what it means to be a good man, what their responsibilities were, and what they should or shouldn’t do. These rites of passage very much exist in the modern day, but less of our population participates in them. This means that, if you don’t have a positive male role model in your life, you are looking outward – to media personalities, to sports heroes, to politicians, to find a guidebook on what it means to be a man.

Freemasonry can be considered a rite of passage. The Masonic Fraternity that I belong to is a male-only Fraternity and much of our rituals center around what it means to be a good man, and how you know if you are a good man. I’ll stop here to acknowledge something – there are other Masonic Fraternities that are women only or Co-Masonic Fraternities that have both men and women. These Fraternities teach the exact same lessons. So when the Fraternity explains what it means to be a good man, it applies to all genders. It’s really explaining how to be a good person. However, I think that it takes just a quick look in society today and the phenomenon labeled “toxic masculinity” to understand that men need these lessons much more urgently than anyone else, and that there is a huge deficit of movements designed to teach men how to be good men. This article will describe the difference between the “mainstream” idea of what a man is compared to what Western Esoteric Orders like Freemasonry tells us about what it means to be a man.

Unfortunately, in the past couple of decades, society’s examples of what it means to be a man have just gotten worse. We are moving backwards into some kind of testosterone fueled macho dream about what a man is. This is especially true in the US, where the anti-woke movement has tended to demonize positive attributes a man might have and celebrate bad behavior. We see this behavior exemplified by famous men. This is not to say that there are not some famous men that are great examples of what a man should be – it’s more that people aren’t idolizing those men. Let’s examine some of the lessons we are learning from our celebrities, media folks, and politicians.

• A man is not a man unless he’s a bully: I really thought that I had left bullies behind in High School – that as people around me matured they would develop a higher self-esteem and no longer have the need for such things. However, especially in the US, political male role models (and some female ones) have normalized bullying and given tacit permission for men to treat others badly. There is an epidemic of cyber-bullying. People who wish to express their political views often rally and protest carrying large semi-automatic weapons as a bullying tactic – a reminder that if you don’t agree with them politically, you probably should be shot.
• A man is not a man unless he subjugates women: The lesson here is that women are objects to be used as needed, and thrown away when you are done. Our current President was found liable for sexual assault and was celebrated for it. Countless politicians, actors, directors, and ultra rich have been accused of sexual assault. Many have also been convicted. Their disdain for another person’s sovereignty and personal safety is horrendous.
• A man is not a man unless he’s violent: In all cultures, there is the archetype of the Warrior. Yet this is something different. A warrior has a code they live by and violence is used when it is necessary. Now it seems that violence is the goal whether necessary or not. We have all witnessed the increase of violent rhetoric in politics, and in the US this has translated into mass shootings, people ramming cars into protestors and many other atrocities.
• A man is not a man unless he is better than another man: This is the pissing contest mentality that is so popular right now. You must put down someone else in order to show your worth.
• A man is not a man unless he has money and power: We are entering a cycle in society where money and power have become all-important. In much of the past, money and power were desired to accomplish something. Now it is desired for its own sake to be hoarded and never used to benefit their fellow humans.
• An educated man is not a real man: This again is something especially true in the US. There is an anti-intellectual movement that has been going on since the 1990s and has become alarming. Experts, scholars, etc. are demonized for their knowledge and looked down upon because they have an education. It simply is not manly to be smart. The assumption is that if you have learned something in your life then you have been indoctrinated into some kind of shady belief structure. In reality, you just learned stuff.

The above definitions of “manhood,” unfortunately seem to resonate with a lot of people and is responsible for a lot of unhappiness in the world. It seems that many aspects of society encourage men to behave badly and rarely are men punished when they do. We’ve all heard terms like “boys will be boys” to justify bullying or sexually assaulting or harassing women. Often when men behave badly, the people around them get blamed for overreacting or being too sensitive or unable to “take a joke.”

Freemasonry, on the other hand, has a much different definition of what it means to be a man. It is a much more challenging definition and requires a significant amount of work and self-reflection. Let’s now examine the lessons that the Fraternity has to teach us on being a man.

• A man is true to his word: A true man will do what he says he is going to do, even if that thing is difficult or costs him. There is a two-fold honesty to this. First, those who associate with such a man will know that his word is his bond, and that such a man can always be trusted. Secondly, it forces the man to be honest with himself about his ability and intentions around his word. He will not give his word if he does not think he can keep it. No broken promises.
• A true man will engage in self-reflection and self-improvement: He seeks to understand who he truly is, an always to become a better version of himself. Plato said that “the unexamined life is not worth living,” and he agrees. He wants to do the right thing as often as possible, and this requires knowledge of self.
• A true man measures his success not by wealth or power, but by his actions and the connections he’s made: Whether rich or poor, a man should be remembered for the people who love him and the good works he’s done throughout his life. He values integrity more than riches and the admiration of others.
• A true man thinks critically: A lot of time is spent in the Masonic lectures about the importance of learning the seven liberal arts and sciences. In order to understand the world around us, we must be constantly learning. Those well-versed in the seven liberal arts and sciences are well-prepared for life. Consider Logic and Rhetoric – in our current world, we are bombarded with more information and misinformation than ever before in history. Logic helps us to sift through the information we receive, looking for fallacies and flaws to help us determine what is true. Rhetoric allows us to effectively and persuasively communicate that truth.
• A true man is loyal: A man is loyal to his true friends and his family. He is loyal to his faith and to his obligations. He will not sell out for any amount of money.
• A true man is a charitable man: It’s not about how much wealth you accumulate in your life that matters, it’s how you use whatever you have to help others.
• A true man is a tolerant man: He recognizes that there are people who are different than he is and he celebrates those differences. The goal of Freemasonry is the realization of a universal brotherhood, and that goal should be the goal of all good men. Masons are not judged by the economic, social, ethnic or religious backgrounds – they are judged by their character alone, and this should be the way of all men.
• A true man protects humanity: Freemasons take an Oath to protect each other, and each other’s family. In essence, a Freemason would treat his Masonic Brother’s family as his own, and will support widows and orphans in the fraternity. Instead of objectifying women, they swear to protect and honor them. Imagine a future world where the family of humanity honored and protected each other.

This is not the first time that the values taught by the Masonic Fraternity conflict with the values we see exemplified in society at large. It won’t be the last. But if anyone thinks that an ancient group like the Freemasons has nothing left to teach the society of the 21^st century, they are wrong. I challenge men everywhere to attempt to live up to the ideals that Masonry promotes. You won’t always succeed – but your efforts will always leave you a better man than you were before. And continued efforts by many will leave the world better than it was before.